I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
