My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
