Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bring me that man meat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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