Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
