i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize