I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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