mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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