we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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