I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
