Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
