Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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