I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
