I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
