if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
