he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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