Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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