..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
