I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My dick has a subreddit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize