I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
