so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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