She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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