Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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