is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
