She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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