kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
