I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
