dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
