i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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