wat bout pragnant strippers??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
