I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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