one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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