Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
