Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
