Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
