omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
