ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
