Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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