The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is not my ceiling
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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