Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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