Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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