Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
