My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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