I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
