So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
