I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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