On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
