my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize