I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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