He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm too high and old for this...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
