We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
