My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
