did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
