If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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