I skipped work to stalk him.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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