as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
