after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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