a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
