If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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