But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
