Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
