Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize