I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
