I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
