A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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