I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
