I bet he comes in French.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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