I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i have two assholes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
