I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
